Gone Again…For Good!

It’s been  a while since my last visit here. Well, I’ve been avoiding it, avoiding you. I just don’t want to be around you anymore, don’t want to think of you anymore. I’d like you to stay completely out of my life, to be honest. That won’t be possible, considering you’re my brother-in-law, but the least I can do is stay away from you as much as I can.

It’s not so much the fact that you obviously have no feelings for me at all or that you were nice to me for no reason at all and without even realizing it yourself. It’s more due to your recent behaviour after I had that talk with you. You’ve been avoiding me as well at first, not inviting me to play the online game with you anymore; in conversations around other people you’ve also dropped clear hints for me that you have no feelings for me, sometimes in a rather rude way or tone of voice. And during the last weekend get-together the two of us talked about general stuff before the conversation turned to the game. I told you that I’ve been struggling with something in it and you simply told me that I’d need to stop playing badly. How rude! You weren’t even joking. I mean, sure, I’m not the best player in it, but whenever we played together, we all had decent and good games. You never said a word and now this?  And I stopped playing with you and H because as you seem to get better, you keep checking your stats and you keep noticing that you’re above average now, actually turning into a very good player and you’ve started to play the game in such a selfish way… I don’t want to take this game too seriously, but somehow this attitude reflects your personality in “real life” as well. I guess you are indeed rather selfish.

Just like when your mother urged you to put a sweater or a jacket on to not catch a cold when standing on the veranda on a cold autumn evening and you almost snapped back at her “I haven’t been sick for 6 years and I won’t get sick now either!” Leaving the rude way of replying aside, I know that this is in fact not true. I remember an incidence last year during a get-together where I drank from your cup and finding out afterwards that you had a cold back then. (I remember clearly as I was pregnant at that time and slightly worried of catching your cold.) It’s probably not a big deal as such, but I don’t get it. How come I realize now what kind of person you truly are? How could I have not seen this before? Was I really so much blinded by love? Or did you just turn into this jerk now? Is it a parade for me to deter me from further loving you? If it’s the latter, well…you succeeded!

Christmas and New Year’s are just around the corner. In past years I would have been really excited to see you, to be around you for a couple of days here and there, a long weekend, the holidays. This year, however, I am glad that we’re doing the celebrations at our place and you’ll only stay a night on Christmas day and then again one night only during New Year’s. And I’ll be glad when it’s over and you’re gone again…for good!