So it’s going to be this Friday.
I managed to organize a surprise birthday party for H. Really looking forward to it. And I hope that H will like this surprise. He actually did not want a birthday party, because he’d need to plan and arrange too many things. He didn’t feel up to it. However, since I took over the planning, he’ll have to like it, right?
I said it before, the real reason why I did this was to see you. I’m excited and nervous. Excited to see you, nervous to see H’s reaction. After all, I want H to have a great birthday. I want him to be happy. I love him.
But I also love you, am falling in love with you.
So when Friday comes, I’ll be in love with both of you.
I do not love thee! – no! I do not love thee!
And yet when thou art absent I am sad;
and envy even the bright blue sky above thee,
whose quiet stars may see thee and be glad.
I do not love thee! – yet, I know not why,
whate’er thou dost seems still well done, to me:
and often in my solitude I sigh
that those I do love are not more like thee!
I do not love thee! – yet, when thou art gone,
I hate the sound (though those who speak be dear)
which breaks the lingering echo of the tone
thy voice of music leaves upon my ear.
I do not love thee! yet thy speaking eyes,
with their deep, bright and most expressive blue,
between me and the midnight heaven arise,
oftener than any eyes I ever knew.
I know I do not love thee! Yet, alas!
Others will scarcely trust my candid heart;
and oft I catch them smiling as they pass,
because they see me gazing where thou art.
– Caroline Elizabeth Sarah Norton
Sometimes, on days like today, when I feel horribly sad and miss you too much, I just wish I’d never have fallen for you.
I won’t see you this weekend. It’s final. And it hurts. I really miss you right now. It’s bad. I am constantly thinking of you. What probably makes all this worse is the fact that we’d spent a lot of time together playing that online game while talking to each other via TeamSpeak. Yesterday and today, almost all day. I love hearing your voice, laughing about your jokes. It’s truly wonderful. I love this time together. But it is never enough. I need to see you. Yearn to touch you. How can I get through the days without you until May 9? I even made a plan for that. I am organising a surprise birthday party for H at the end of April. But really it is to see you. I am bad, I know. But I miss you so badly.
I am talking to you right now, right at this moment. On the internet. We’ve been playing an online game for 3 hours now and it’s been fun. Just the two of us. I love listening to you, hearing your voice, your sighs, your breathing.
We should do this more often.
And now I still hope that I’ll be able to see you again this weekend, talk to you in person, see your face, your mesmerizing eyes, your heartmelting smile.
We were all supposed to get together for Easter at your parents’ place. I was so excited and looking forward to seeing you again. However, yesterday your mother called and cancelled it. Sick. The flu or even asthma. I got so sad. And angry. She’s been sick often and it’s not the first time she had to cancel something like this. I know it’s not her fault, but the timing always stinks. I was so upset about it. Still am. H was a bit surprised that it bothered me so much and I had to be careful not to show too much of how I really felt about it.
We checked our calendars with your mother yesterday to see on which alternative weekend we could meet. May 9-11. That’s another 3 and a half weeks of waiting!
And I miss you…
Shortly after that phone call with your mother, you talked to H on the phone. Apparently, there’s still a chance to see you this weekend! One of our common friends is coming to town. If the timing is good, you consider coming here as well. You would stay with us. We could all do something together with our friends on Easter. And I wouldn’t have to wait until May to be with you again. Waiting sucks. I am not patient enough. And I can’t get you out of my mind. You’re like a drug I am addicted to. And I need you right now again.
Tonight you’ll decide when playing online games with H and that one friend. You’ll talk about Easter and hopefully arrange something.
Please come here.